4 Months; 20 weeks old; when can I stop counting weeks?

We were about a week late on Declan's official 4 month picture which seems to be about par for the course for me.  I'm not sure how other moms manage to remember to take a picture each month on the same day, I can barely remember to put underwear on.  I have a reminder set on my phone for the 12th of every month but even still I manage to get distracted with something and another week flies by.  I've been trying to document weekly pictures as well, an idea I stole from a woman I follow on instagram.  What a great way to see all the subtle changes over this first year.  That is of course, if you can remember to take the pictures.  I'm currently at like 10 pictures for the first 18 weeks and I'm considering it a win.  You will not see my name on the ballot for mother of the year/pinterest guru and I'm okay with that.

Another thing I'm learning to be okay with?  A messy house.  Some weeks it probably even qualifies as dirty.   Clutter drives my anxiety sky high and I had a really rough week a little while back which left me feeling completely overwhelmed.  But I'm trying to make peace with it.  Every time I see a pile of stuff sitting around or dust bunnies hanging out (they aren't hiding, that's for sure), I remind myself that I'd rather be playing with Declan or Garrett than cleaning.  So we're getting by doing the bare minimum and catching up on weekends when naps and schedules allow.  There's a saying I see all over the place that says something along the lines of my house is a mess but my kids are happy and that's the sentiment I'm running with for now.

4 months is bringing lots of fun stuff: grasping for toys, more babbling, lots of smiles and an overall alertness that has been fun to watch.  It's also brought a string of colds and our first trip to the emergency room.  Last week Declan woke up around 10:30 having some really nasty coughs which eventually lead to being so congested his breathing was pretty labored.  So we rushed to the emergency room to get him checked out.  Now of course, his breathing had returned to normal and he was laughing and smiling for the nurses but I think Mike and I were both just glad to have the scary breathing issues behind us.  He spent a few nights sleeping in his car seat to help with the drainage and we're hoping to be on the way over this particular cold.  He has really been a trooper about it all with lots of smiles between the coughing and plenty of cuddles.

Back to Work

This is a big week in our house as I headed back to work.  Declan's childcare schedule is a little wacky; Monday with my dad and stepmom, Tuesday-Thursday at a home daycare and Friday with Mike's parents.  I really think the set up is a good fit for our family and will eventually work really well for everyone but the thought of getting 3 different routines figured out is a little daunting.  It's another one of those situations where I feel like a first time parent all over again.  I also never had pumping and cloth diapers to worry about when I went back to work after Garrett was born.

We did a trial run at my parents last week and I went into work for a few hours.  Getting out of the house took a bit longer than I expected even after I packed my bag, Declan's bag and lunches for the big boys the night before.  I'm a little anxious about being able to pump enough milk for Declan during the day in a reasonable amount of time but everything I'm reading says the key to that is to relax so now I just need to figure out a way not to worry about it....

Tuesday morning was tough dropping him off with someone who wasn't family.  I cried the short drive over to our daycare provider, cried walking to her door and then pulled it together to walk inside.  She quickly asked how I was doing which of course caused me to lose all sense of composure.  But amazing daycare lady is well, amazing.  She is so loving and nurturing that I instantly felt better about dropping him off.  We have known each other for a few years because her girls go to school with Garrett and we volunteered together for the Spring Fair a few years ago. I drop off relatively early so she is still getting her girls breakfast and getting them out to the bus and it really just felt like Declan was part of their lovely little morning which for some reason made me feel really good.  When I pick up in the afternoon she is outside with all of the kids which I just love, love, love.  And I steal him back and love on him for the rest of the evening.  We are surviving and I know it will get easier with time.

Cheering on the O's

Declan is finally (we think) over his case of thrush which moved south for a yeast rash.  Yeast is a real PITA when it comes to cloth diapers but more on the cloth diaper situation (read: addiction) at another time.  Garrett got a great interim report yesterday will mostly all A's and a few B's.  He is starting running club this afternoon which I'm excited that he wanted to try.  We're also having a lot of fun watching baseball in October!

Two Months (11 days late)

I'm pretty sure that it's an unwritten rule that mothers of small children are always late.  I use to really pride myself on my punctuality but that has gone right out the window these last few months since it takes me approximately 8,342 hours to get myself and Declan ready to go.  Add Garrett and Mike to the mix and I mind as well just stay home!  So this is my "two month" post a bit late.  I've thrown in the towel on the one month post.

It's hard to believe Declan is two months already (10 weeks to be exact).  He is really started to show his personality.  He is still a bit stingy with his smiles but you can always count on some big gummy grins right after he eats.  We had a baby shower for his soon to be cousin on Sunday and Declan was flashing smiles at the whole family. He has also started babbling a lot in the evenings and I managed to get a little video of him talking back to use one day last week. 

He LOVES pat-a-cake and when I pretend to eat his toes. He was a trooper for his shots, only letting out one big scream befire deciding he was okay.  He is eating about 7 times in a 24 hour period, giving us one good stretch at night between feedings, usually somewhere between 4 and 6 hours. Last week he went 6 hours 45 minutes and I seriously felt like a new person. He naps pretty well during the day but I have to watch for signs he is tired because he can be fussy if he gets overly tired. We are following the eat, wake, sleep pattern which gives us both some consistency without having a rigid schedule. In general, he's a pretty happy baby and we love him to pieces.

It's hard to believe that I am headed back to work in a little under two weeks.  The idea is still a bit terrifying but I'm sure after a few weeks it will just be the new norm.  I will be leaving earlier in the mornings and leaving Mike to get Garrett off to the school bus which I am a little nervous about since the two of them do not seem to see eye to eye in the morning.  Part of me things this will be a good exercise for them, learning to sort out their differences without me around to jump in.  I'm also concerned with what our evenings will look like with me back to work.  I've always spent a decent amount of time when I get home from work preparing and cooking dinner while Garrett works on his homework.  So I'm working on some ideas for shortening the amount of time I spend prepping and cooking in the evenings.  First on the list is to pick simpler recipes and save the fun stuff for weekends.  I'm also going to dedicate some time on Sundays to cutting and prepping as much as I can for dinner and lunches during the week.

Summer Swap

When Amanda decided to host another craft swap in July, I knew I should hold off for the next one.  I was 9 months pregnant and starting to get really tired of the whole being pregnant situation.  But I rationalized that I would be on maternity leave and have plenty of time for crafting.  Did I mention it had been 9 years since I had a newborn?  Clearly my memory had gone a little foggy on me and I wasn't factoring in how much busier my life is now than when I had Garrett.  So I signed up.

By the time the end of July was rolling around, I hadn't lifted a finger towards a project other than to pick up some yarn for a project I hadn't even decided on yet.  Mike was home so we were spending time together with the baby and I was napping whenever possible.  Then we went to the beach the first week in August and I came home to realize the deadline was Monday!  

I had been wanting to make a holder for all of the grocery store plastic bags we accumulate.  Even though we use reusable bags we still manage to end up with quite a collection and I think most people run into that problem.  So I whipped one up for my swap recipient Amanda.  I felt like a slacker by sending her the yarn I picked out rather than an actual craft but I figured since she is a knitter, she could put it to good use.  My package including a bag organizer, the yarn and some edible treats.

My package came from Marianna and included lots of goodies.  She sent some granola, vanilla sugar and some awesome energy bars.  She also sent along some note cards, a pair of booties for Declan and a neat little soccer notebook that Garrett promptly took upstairs to his desk which he's decided he will use for homework this year.  The energy bars were really a great treat.  Sometimes energy/granola bars can be too sweet but these had a really nice balance.  I even caught Mike sneaking a few on his way out the door for work in the morning because at that point I was still sleeping in whenever possible.

I really enjoyed participating again this time and hopefully I can devote a little more time if Amanda decides to host again!

Growing

I keep trying to make time to post since there is a lot going on these days that I'd like to document but the fact is that there is a lot pulling me away from the computer right now.

The time is flying by, like I knew it would.  Mike has been back to work since we got back from the beach (more about that next week) and Garrett is back in school.  The fact that my maternity leave will be up in 4 short weeks is lingering over my head like a black cloud.  I keep trying not to think about it but the idea of dropping Declan off to go back to work gives me a giant knot in my stomach. I enjoy my job.  I'm good at it and I get a lot of satisfaction from being good at what I do.  It also provides a healthy dose of stress that keeps my Type A personality at bay.  But I know the first few weeks away from my little guy are going to be incredibly hard and stressful and I'm not looking forward to it in the least.  So for now I will try not to think about it and concentrate on making the most of the one month and one day that I have left.

I still can't really wrap by head around the fact that he is 8 weeks tomorrow.  The benefit of Garrett and Declan being so far apart is that I've seen first hand how quickly time flies by. It feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago that Garrett was a tiny baby and I'm trying to really savor each stage with Declan rather than gearing up for what comes next.

He is starting to smile back at us.  He's stingy with his smiles at this point but I think that makes them that much more special when he decides to bestow one on you.  Just this past week he started sleeping for longer stretches at night.  He usually eats sometime between 7 and 9 and has slept through to 1:30.  I really can't complain about the amount of sleep I'm getting at this point.  When he lays back down after the feeding he is doing a lot of grunting and sometimes even spitting up.  We think he has a mild case of reflux but since it doesn't seem to be really causing him pain, we'd prefer to ride it out and not give him medication at this point.  It's not an issue during the day because he is upright after his daytime feedings.  He's been a busy baby the past 8 weeks and we have a trip to Hershey Park planned for tomorrow, weather permitting.

Crazy First Week

We are rapidly approaching the 3 week mark tomorrow which is hard to believe.  I thought I'd do a quick post on Declan's eventful first week home.  I had in my birth plan that I wanted to do as short of a hospital stay as I could.  He was born at 7:03am on Saturday and by Sunday morning we were ready to go!  Unfortunately there were some things that prevented us from getting discharged until about 4:30.  First the pediatrician on call heard a small heart murmur when doing his initial exam.  The originally wanted to do an echocardiogram before we left the hospital.  Garrett had a small murmur when he was born so I really wasn't concerned and didn't think the echo was necessary but was willing to go along with it.  By midday Sunday they were still unable to get it scheduled so they told us to just follow up with his pediatrician. Ironically by the time we got to the doctors on Tuesday it had already closed.  After some commotion in one of the other rooms, we discharged and headed home.

We arrived home where Mike's mom meet us and my dad dropped Garrett off.  We settled in for our first night home when a massive thunderstorm came through.  I was worried about losing power since we lose it pretty frequently.  Around 10:30 I left Declan in the bedroom with Mike to grab something out of the nursery when there was an incredibly loud boom and I felt the house shake.  We also heard a bunch of Mike's bourbon go crashing in the basement.  Mike yelled that we had just been hit by lightening and I immediately grabbed the baby, woke Garrett up and ran out in the rain (in my pajama's).  Mike told us to head to a neighbors and call the fire department because the house smelled like something was burning and water was spraying all over the place in the utility room.

So there I am in a pink sheer night shirt with a 1 day old newborn and a shoeless 9 year old, knocking on my neighbors door.  I can only imagine what she thought when we opened the door!  Thankfully the fire department came quickly and confirmed there was no fire and the burning had come from some wires that were no longer a threat.  The also confirmed that one of the 60ft pine trees beside our driveway was hit and the current came through the ground into the basement.  Mike had cut the water off because two pipes had burst and we had no power in the basement but it was safe to come back in.  A few hours later the neighborhood lost power so we packed up and headed to Mike's parents first thing Monday morning.  We stayed Monday and good bit of Tuesday before we were able to get a plumber to come out and fix the water issue.  Thankfully the damage wasn't as bad as we originally thought and we've been able to mostly put the house back together and Declan even managed to get his first bath when we got settled back home.

Declan's Birth Story

I've been meaning to sit down and write this story for two weeks now, I've had a hard time finding the right words. But days are passing by at lightening speed and I know the details will start to get fuzzy. 

 The last week of my pregnancy passed by with a lot of anxiety. The constant not knowing when it was going to happen was brutal for my type A personality. Then I hit the 12 days out from due date; the same time Garrett was born. I was pretty moody that day but tried to make peace with it. I had my appointment with my midwife on Friday July 11th at 38 weeks and 6 days. I told myself I could make it to my appointment the following week and then we could discuss trying to jump start things.

Friday night Mike and I were watching the Orioles game and I headed to be bed around 10:30. I got up to use the bathroom around 11:30 and was having a pretty strong Braxton Hicks contraction but it definitely wasn't uncomfortable. I got up again around 12:30 when Mike came up to bed and the same thing. I woke up around 1:30 to another contraction with another bathroom break. This time there was some spotting so I was pretty sure things were getting moving. I tried to lay back down to rest but was too excited. I went downstairs around 2:15 and started to time the contractions as they were getting more uncomfortable. I decided to call my midwife around 2:45 because I didn't remember bleeding with Garrett and wanted to be sure it was normal. 

 

I called the after hours line and Paula, the midwife on call, assured me it was normal. I told her the contractions were coming about 2 1/2 to 3 minutes apart but that they weren't very intense. My plan was always to labor at home as long as possible so she said I could hold off on heading in until the contractions were intense enough that I couldn't talk through them. I called my dad so he could be on standby when I needed him to come pick Garrett up. When I went upstairs Mike was up with the light on, realizing there was no point in trying to get a little more sleep. I packed the hospital bag while Mike took a shower. I had intentionally not packed the bag ahead of time and just created a good list. Since I knew I'd be at home for a while, I was hoping to have something to distract me and it worked exactly how I planned.  Garrett woke up at some point and after explaining that I was in labor I told him to go back to sleep. 

Around 5am I decided (with some persuasion by Mike) that it was probably time to head to the hospital. At that point I had to stop during contractions and really work my way through them. They were still coming 2 1/2 minutes apart so I felt like there wasn't a lot of down time in between once they got really uncomfortable. At this point Garrett was up again. He was super cute following me around, asking a million questions and trying to help when a contraction would come. He helped me pack his bag, take some scraps into the chicken coop and clean up the kitchen. Finally around 5:30 my dad showed up and we headed out to the hospital. I was feeling a little nauseous before we left and the contractions in the car were definitely worse because I couldn't move around. Thankfully we made it to the hospital in a little under 20 minutes with no incidents. 

When we got the hospital it was pretty deserted. We headed up to labor and delivery and they checked us into triage. They needed me to lay in the bed while they monitored my contractions and the babies heart rate. The contractions in the bed were more intense but thankfully Paula came in to check me pretty quickly and they let me get back up after seeing I was 5cm dilated and clearly in active labor.

I was planning on having a water birth but there was a small issue which I had been told about at one of my prior appointments. The permanent tub was cracked and a new one wasn't available until August. There was a temporary tub in the meantime but I would only be able to labor in the tub, not deliver. Thankfully the tub room was available when they moved me to the labor room. Paula worked with one of the nurses to start getting the tub ready while another nurse attempted to get an IV into my arm. I was GBS positive so they wanted to get me hooked up to antibiotics as quickly as possible. Unfortunately I have difficult veins and it took what felt like forever to get an IV in. It's funny because I had the same issue when I was in labor with Garrett.  It's on of my most vivid memories from his labor because I wanted an epidural and I couldn't get one until they were able to get the IV in and a full bag of fluids in.  I may have yelled at a nurse....  Back to Declan's labor.....I'm sure it felt longer because I was confined to the bed which made the contractions almost unbearable. At one point I looked over at Mike and told him I wasn't sure I could do it without an epidural. He just shook his head no and the nurse got my IV in so I was able to jump out of the bed. 

I had a few contractions while standing next to the bed and swaying my hips seemed to help. I also asked Mike to rub my hips but that idea was better in theory. I yelled at him to push harder but that didn't seen to help either. Suddenly I had an insane amount of pressure and I told Mike something was happening. No sooner than Mike took a step back away from me, my water broke all over the floor. It really was just like the movies, I heard a pop, a crazy loud splash and the last thing I remember really clearly was the sound of Mike gagging and jumping over to the other side of the bed.

Things got really crazy after that. I told a nurse behind me that I thought I was pushing. She told me to stop pushing until the midwife could get back into the room and I told her that I couldn't, my body was doing it on its own. She told me I at least needed to get into bed because I couldn't deliver the baby on the floor. Everything flashed like blur. I got into the bed but I was so scared from the pain on the contractions when I laid down that I went on my knees and leaned over the back of the bed.  To complicate things, they were in the middle of a shift change so I had four nurses instead of two and no midwife in the room. Thankfully Lauren was coming on duty and checked me to find me ten centimeters and gave me the okay to start pushing.

Pushing was super intense but it was such a relief to be able to bear down after trying not to push while they got ready. Mike was at the head of the bed holding my hand and he was pretty overwhelmed by the way things were progressing, not to mention he was completely new to the whole process!! After a few pushes they asked me to flip over onto my back because the position wasn't working and they couldn't get a monitor to read the babies heart rate. I rolled over, but only onto my side, when Lauren said one more push. Sure enough, his head came out on the next push and after another small push he was here! 

 

I reached down and grabbed him from Lauren and held him for about a minute before one of the nurses said "wait, we don't know the gender" and spread his little legs apart to find boy parts. I looked over at Mike who had come around to the side of the bed and he looked very proud and a bit overwhelmed. I can't say I blame him, from the time my water broke until he was born at 7:03 was only 8 minutes. It definitely took me almost an hour to really process the whole delivery. It was probably only 45 minutes between the time I was checked in triage at 5cm and the time I was fully dilated. 

I held him while they waited for the cord to stop pulsing which was a little awkward. I kept trying to pull him closer to my face and had to be reminded that he was still attached and I needed to wait to bring him closer. Mike cut the cord after saying the entire pregnancy he didn't think he would want to. I think at that point his gross factor had was maxed out and he could have handled anything.

We immediately started talking about names so that we could call Garrett and announce to the rest of the family. I didn't really keep it a secret during my pregnancy that I was really pulling for another boy so it's no surprise that our list of boy names was in better shape than the girl list. Thankfully we had a listening 3 that needed to be narrowed down: Austin, Declan and Everett. Everett was my first choice but Mike wasn't sold on that one so we agreed on Declan.  

 

Declan Augustus Gonano weighed in at 8 lbs 12 oz and 21 3/4 inches long. He was  almost exactly the same size as Garrett, just one ounce heavier.

Needless to say, it was an incredibly fast labor and I didn't get my water birth which was totally fine with me.  There was only about 3 inches of water in the tub when Declan was born and they barely got one round of antibiotics in. Thankfully he had no issues related to the GBS and only had to he treated with a little formula for low blood sugar, likely due to his large size and quick labor. I really still have a hard time believing how quickly things moved but it was a blessing because I'm not sure how much more labor I could have handled. Mike joked about it after the fact but I do wonder if the 2 pints of Red Rasberry Leaf tea I was drinking in the 3rd trimester contributed to my quick labor.  My natural delivery was definitely the most intense, empowering experience of my life. It doesn't take away from my experience when Garrett was born, both resulted in amazing, healthy baby boys. But from a personal perspective and what it meant for me and my body, this was truly an amazing, amazing experience and I now completely understand why women who have done it advocate so hard for it.  We are so excited to have Declan as part of our family and can't remember what life was like before he got here.